Moot

"So Jie, when are you gonna update your balog ?"

A very good question from my dad when I munched down my Double Mozza in A&W, which is still alive surprisingly, and undergone revonation too.

Will I scream in agony that my pirvacy has been stripped away start crying ala "LEAVE BRITNAY ARONE !!111" or just accept the fate that my parents has became very tech survey.

I blame my cousins.

...

Hey, it is fun to blame anything but oneself :D.

To say Kota Bharu has not changed much is lying. It does change, but I don't know for better or worst, which is natural in anyway. I won't be the next Kuala Lumpur but hey it is all good for now.

I will be attending my cousin's wedding coming 11th December. Met her fiance, a nice guy overall. Somehow within me I imagine that I might become like him, marrying late. But that just another story to tell one fine day.

Anyway, congrats to her, whether to become a baby factory or not is up to her, as long as they themselves are living happily then all is good, way better than succumb to the society's pressure that everyone must start romance since young, while those who never experience before will be frowned upon and labeled as a no life.

Now I am praying that no one at the wedding ask me whether I am still single and lecture me about how much fun I have missed out and wasted my youth away on toys instead of chasing after girls like rabid dog. Just please don't let me pull a conversation stopper when I am there.

Perhaps I need to stay away from sites that dedicate to romantic tips and arguement about relationship.

There's no point

There's no point pushing oneself when he already doesn't have the mood to revise further.

There's no point walking around in circle in the room when there's no laptop.

Yup, I am officially bored.

Clean freak

Right, half an hour ago I finally lashed out at them about how I feel like I am the only one did all the house chores. The head house, whom happen to be my school mate, or soon will be ex-school mate, confronted me about it. I understood and expected that coming, what what she said still puzzled me :

"Why you did that to us ?"

"us" ? Excuse me, "US" ? What makes you think that you have to defend them ? The washroom is outside, while yours is inside which connect my room to yours. Now now I know you want to use the heater which is in the outer washroom, but I never see you use it frequently anyway. Second one :

"I do wash that washroom sometimes"

"I" you said ? Why ? Why you should be the one to do the job while those 3 just sit there and gossip till the cows come home. And "Sometimes" ? Time or no time it is your business, I also have to do it even though my class end at 6pm and I come back tired like fuck every tuesday. No matter what, when it is my turn to do house chores, then I do, time or no time. I even get up early at wednesday morning (which I have no class) to honour the responsibility if I decided to postpone.

I understand you decided to do so, I (maybe) understand those 2 questions above. You haven't seen that washroom frequently. I have to. Cause I always use it to bath and shave and god knows what I am doing inside. I have to witness all the fucking horror inside that washroom everytime I use them, and the burden I feel everytime I see the hair that gathered around the sinkholes, before my turn to do the house chores.



See this ? This picture was taken in 4th of August, my turn to do house chores, and this was around 10 days worth of THEIR HAIR !!

You forgot how clean this apartment was before my other house mate graduated. Everyone of us did our duty, no question asked. No time ? Postpone. Everyone used to marked off their names on that duty paper, that was before he moved out. I hate to say this but I missed those days, and I have to deal with it.

Of course you will hate me for that, and might kick me out and make me find another place to live. I am fine with it. Those girls already use their boring "yell something awful to piss people off" method. I am used to it. I finally decided to lash out and I am responsible for it.

Fine.

NOTE : I know you are reading this, dad. This is my problem and I don't want Mr.Lau Awang to get involve. Please, for once, let me rant it out and don't show it to everyone to create more problem.

I love you, and I am sorry.

3 days ago my mom phoned me to tell me a short storyof her dream.

She dream that while she was doing the house chore as per usual, my late grandma came down from the stair, holding her clothe on her right arm.

My mom asked her whether she wanted her clothe to clean or not, and proceed to tell her to throw her clothe into the washing machine, my dad (still in her dream mode), however, asked my mom who the heck she was talking to, and she woke up. My dad (post-dream, mind you, do I have to structure out the story in detail ?) jokingly asked her how was my grandma looked like. Her replied, she was like when she was 70s, happy and chubby old fellow, which made me smile.

And it has been a year since my grandma passed away on July 22th, she was 89 years old, or maybe around 90s. She had lived a very, very long life.

After the phone conversation, it got me traveled back in time, how my grandma kept slapping my forehead while learning to brush my teeth the hard way, and got chased around by her wielding the rotan as I uttered "cibai" in front of her. Yes it still makes me chuckle.

However during 2003, my grandma suddenly changed. She became more withdrawn and senile. She became very unhygienic and kept rely on us, her loved ones, to help her even though she still have the strength to do so, and it wasn't even a heavy job.

This is where I started to hate her.

Yes, I hated her. I hated her for disturbing my hectic study by calling my name for no reason. I hated her for almost screwing up my STPM, I hated her for making me wash her feces and helped her changed diaper, and worst of all, I hated her for becoming the grandma that I couldn't recognise anymore when I was a kid.

Before I came down to KL in 2006 to further my study in UTAR, she was bed ridden, unable to move by herself as she was too lazy to do so. As I am the only one who had time for her when it comes to cleaning up, after I was gone, only my aunt, who was a retired nurse, did the dirty job for my grandma. As I came back to to home town every long break, everytime I look at her, I felt that she kept slipping away, and all I could muster from my mouth is "fuck you".

Her condition when on until to her death on that very day. God forbid I couldn't felt any sadness in me, it is a feeling that I still can't explain. To put it this way, it was time for her to leave.

While paying her the last respect, my relative told me one thing that I overlooked. She said that among all the grandchildren she observed, she LOVED me the most. However, that time I just didn't care, assuming that this is an attempt to make me feel sad and guilty, but I still had that very sentence kept inside my head till now.

And it is true.

Who made me feel all comfy when I was afraid of the dark and let me slept beside her ? Grandma.

Who was there to console me when I got scolded by teacher for having a sucky result and keep telling me to fight back ? Grandma.

Who was there to reward me to make sure my efforts were not in vain ? Grandma.

Who was there to make me smile ? Grandma.

And what did I do ? Nothing. Just busy with my own study and wallowed on how I couldn't get a girlfriend yet. She loved me.

It is captain obvious it is too late now, but life moves on, and with all the philosophy about how human take things for granted settled down, she has gone. Period.

5 more days to go before the 1st anniversary of her funeral, I sigh a sense of relief, as she finally found peace in her death.

Rest in peace, and I love you, Ms.Lau Sin Hoe.

Things that almost destroyed this place

Twitter :D

Relentless

Taken from someone who is blood related to me :

Zombies. That's what we should be called or as the Chinese would say, "jom-bee". Despite all the blows we suffered, crippled and shot at, we just keep coming back for more. And we're always right behind you, around the bend. No rainbow's end or your Huckleberry friend waiting. Just us, cold and ugly. One slip and we will pounce. Part vampires, part warriors, carnivores and voyeurs, we shall pursuit, picking and pulling, trying to get our fingers in. Alas, we will always be those melodramatic fools, the geek that will never get the dream girl no matter how hard he tried, the Ennis Del Mar that can't quit Jack Twist, the wolf that blew on the brick house, the coronary thief that stole one heart too many and like all zombies in fictions, we will get our heads blown to smithereens in the end and you got away. I am afraid the same case scenario will be applied yet again this time around, just like every other time. Oh we have gotten used to this Hollywood script-ending. But meanwhile, we just refused to die and we're sticking around a little longer this time. Scared you didn't we? How about a trip down the wire for maximum horrifying pleasure? We'll be there and we hope you enjoy the trip as much as we do so hang on! We provide more dramas than all Hokkien soap opera put together. We're zombies, bastards like us just won't stay down. We're specialists in hope.

Signed,
*edited*
a Liverpool fan

Kinda surprise coming from a person who has almost everything and label me a loser for not having a girlfriend yet.

Still, the bad timing haunt me, and might be endless.

With sappy songs in the back ground

And the surrounding is pitch black with only the LCD screen as my only source of light, what should think of ?

Various choice I can make :

Go to sleep

Read Interview With The Vampire and then go to sleep

Browse youtube and then go to sleep

Watch a movie and then go to sleep

Listening to some MP3s and then go to sleep

Delete this blog and then go to sleep

Think back some memories before go to sleep

Hug my bolster for minutes and doze to sleep

Turn on air con and doze off to sleep

and on

and on

and on......

Many choices, one can be chosen, just like an Role Playing Game, every choice has an impact on your destiny to either greatness, or downfall.

I do think of her actually, even though things started to fade away.