So called realisation

Have you ever experienced this..."feeling" ? For example , you take drug and you go on for a long time now like you are enjoying it . Then your parents or relatives keep telling you to quit untill you realised that what you have done is wrong .

An easy example , isn't it ? Then explain to me this , last year I "realised" that scoring high in acedemic doesn't directly proportional to a person with bright future , take a look at those medic students wannabe who still whine about the courses they failed to get . Then this year , I suddenly "realised" again that I must compete with others "in order to stay alive in the future" . So for a week , I felt paranoid of my surrounding , eapacially my class mates . I kept thinking that they will score better than me in STPM and go to universities they desire while I am here , still stuck with my poor STPM result and I can even imagine myself begging for money in the street .

Now I am sitting down and stare in front of my monitor , take a deep breath and thiking deeply . And "realised" again and again that what I thinked(and wrote) in the first paragraph were fucking absurd . I still can solve math problem even some difficult questions required me a long time to think , and physics is all about apply a suitable equation , and yet it's hard too cause we have to prove the theory way before solving the problem :S . While chemistry ? All I can do is memorise and write any essay I encounter and give to my teacher to comment . So there , I returned to my normal self again , the person who-thinks-scoring-straight-As-doesn't-mean-there's-a-uni-waiting-for-you .

So there , have you ever experienced this ? Realisation after realisation over a matter you confused with . Human brain is one fucked-up organ , cause people like me to think too much and yea I even thought about commiting suicide(the first thought was during PMR , which I got 6 As) -_-" . All I can do is jump off my school's building and close my eyes , waiting to hear the sound "thud" and I will sleep forver . Or maybe I can drink a galeon of Risect and it takes only a minutes and a few coughs and sleep forver too :D .

yea everyone hates their own life , why not ? My study is mediocre , my so called love life just torn apart even it's only a begining . The moto "Shit Happens" has stuck in my head forever , as it's a perfect excuse for me to overcome a problem or my depression .

So what am I going to do now ? Later I will continue my chemistry revision and yea I admit , I still can't forget that girl , it's just fucking irresistable :S . Next week's holiday will be a perfect time for me to cool myself down , cause lately I just depress whenever a couple passes me by , even in the chat room :S(nobody is suspected) .

Moby's Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad ? pop out from my mind , so here's the simply lyrics from the song .

Why does my heart
Feel so bad ?
Why does my soul
Feel so bad ?

These open doors

That's all for now...